Colette let me down

I'm pretty much demanding with my vibes. They have to be ( relatively ) quiet and they have to be strong, not to mention body-safe. When I input these stats into one of my favorite sex-toy stores and found that the Couture Collection Colette was one of two vibrators ( the other of which is the Insignia Soraya ) that were available, well, I jumped on it. I was delighted to find a vibrator that not only has three motors and seven vibration patterns but is whisper fucking quiet. Do you know how hard that is to find a powerful vibe that's whisper-quiet? Nigh impossible for us mortals.

Anyway, I bought it ( and on sale too, lucky me! ) and eagerly awaited its arrival. It didn't take long to ship at all, maybe two days, so they get mega points for speedy delivery. When it got here, I practically tore open the box and pulled it out.

It was gorgeous. A velvety-soft silicone covering for the shaft, and a sleek-looking control system makes it look like a luxury vibrator and I like that. I like it a lot. It's a lovely piece. But then the problems started.

I went to open the battery compartment and it was having none of it. It looked like it was already partially off because of the big gap between it and the rest of the plastic casing, but it wasn't. What it was doing was stubbornly denying my efforts to pry it off. It took a couple minutes of jiggling and shaking and one broken nail to finally open it, and when I did there was a pretty nondescript battery setup. It takes three triple-a's and they're not inserted end-to-end, they have their own little compartment that slides in and out like a cluster of power-giving goodness.

Once that was done, I turned it on.

Oh. And not a good oh, either. The low felt... really low. Maybe a 2 on the vrooms scale. Maybe. So I turned it up to the high setting and...

Oh. High was a disappointing 'Did I hit the button? Is this really high?". I played with the vibration patterns for awhile and found out that they've got their own pretty distinct patterns;

1: Low.
2: "High"
3: Top motor, middle motor, bottom motor, repeat as necessary
4: Escalates from high to low, stops, then starts escalating again
5: 1st motor pulses 4 times, 2nd motor pulses 5 times, 3rd motor pulses 4 times at a quick rate
6: Motors turn on at random. My favorite mode for surprises.
7: Pulses all three motors on low at a slowish pace.

In use wasn't much better. I lubed it up and took it for a test run and I could hardly feel the vibes. I'm not very sensitive to vibrations, which is why something has to be really high, and this sort of felt like I took a couple bees, stuffed them in a jar and then put them in my vagina. It wasn't a terribly pleasant experience. The shape didn't do it for me either; it offers g-spot stimulation but the curve just... hurts. It pushes in all the wrong places and I can feel it pressing against where my urethra is if it's too shallow, or I can feel it aggravating my IUD if it's in too deep. The curve just isn't a good fit for my body and I don't like my vibes to cause me pain or discomfort rather than pleasure.

But I tried. I tried really hard to get this thing to get me off. I flipped it upside-down, I played with all the vibe patterns ( including no. 6 which was the least sucky ), I tried some thrusting action, I even tried it on my clit - which was actually decent, the vibrations are good enough to get me horny but not get me off through clitoral stimulation. The only problem is, it's big ( 9 inches total ) and unwieldy when trying to use it as a clit vibe, so it got mostly ignored for another toy that would actually do it for me. I did let it stay inside me, merrily buzzing away at it's high-but-not-really setting and when I finally, finally got off, I pulled it out and tossed it aside so I wouldn't have to deal with it til my disappointment wore off.

My less-than-mindblowing experience aside, time for some stats on this vibe!

The lovely sex-toy site I got this vibe from says that it's waterproof, as does the box the toy came in. This is very not true. There's an extremely noticeable gap between the battery cover and the rest of the plastic and there's no way I'll be testing that out by submerging it. Here's a picture so you can see what I'm talking about:

Yeah. Not very pleasant. There's also no o-ring, and the mechanism to open the battery case is one of those push-to-open things where water could leak right on in unhindered. At best, I'd guess this might be splash-proof, but considering that there's a gap on the control panel, too...

I wouldn't push it. The picture above also shows up all three motors active; the top light is the top motor, the middle light is the middle and the bottom is the bottom. They don't always keep up with the pulsation patterns so I wouldn't go off of the blinking to see how fast the motors go. There's a dedicated on/off button ( the one on the bottom ) and the top /\/\/ button is for changing the patterns of vibration. 

The motors themselves are placed at the tip, middle and 'end' of the silicone casing, respectively. They're all individually about a 2 strength on a 1 to 5 scale, and together they bump it up to a very iffy 3 - when it's on high. On low, it's still a 2. This would be a good toy for someone who likes mild to strong vibrations, as well as somebody who likes a decent amount of girth. Size-queens should probably look elsewhere.

The measurements on this toy can be shown in this picture:

The entire length is 9.25 inches long, including the 'handle'. The insertable portion of the shaft is 6 inches. The width is a pretty uniform 1.5 inches all along the insertable portion and since you're not supposed to put the handle inside of yourself, I didn't measure how wide it is. Sorry! 

There's also a visible seam down both sides of the toy, pictured here.

The whole thing, excluding the handle, is also decently flexible. I can actually grab it and straighten the whole thing out so there's no visible curve to it, but it bounces right back into place when I let it go. The silicone coating has a decent amount of squeeze-give to it; if you push down in any given place, you can indent it about 2 to 3 millimeters. The texture of the silicone is very, very smooth but velvety at the same time. Lubed up, there's a decent amount of drag to it, so it's not like using plastic or glass or metal. 

Since the material is made out of silicone ( except the handle which is abs plastic ), you're going to want to be careful with what lubes you use with it. Oil-based and silicone-based lubricants are no-nos with this material because they can degrade it or melt it; stick to water-based lubricants ( a good one would be sliquid organics gel ) to be sure you won't damage your toy. 

To clean this up, you can use a 10% bleach solution to wipe down the toy. You can also use a warm soap-and-water mixture, toy wipes or toy cleaner. You won't want to submerge this toy or put it in the dishwasher, and because it has moving parts, you won't want to try and boil it. 

The packaging is pretty non-discrete. It's mostly see-through and on the side that isn't, it shows the toy in all its purple glory along with some of the features like "3 motors" and "automatic on/off button" and "flexible shaft moves with you". It's very unmistakable for anything other than a sex-toy box. It would be alright for storing the toy in, since it's got a plastic insert that forms to the toy itself, but you'd have to hide it in a closet or somewhere else that isn't out in the open. 

Last but not least, this toy should not be used anally. It doesn't have a flared base which means it could get lost inside your butt, which would probably end up in awkward trips to the hospital and nobody wants that, especially you!

Over-all, I'm giving this toy a 2 out of 5. 3 motors is a good idea, but there's just too many cons for me to like it that much. I'll probably be selling this soon since I don't even want to use it again. 

Couture collection Colette G-spot vibrator by California Exotic Material: Silicone / Plastic Safety: $46.89 Buy from EdenFantasys
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