Had enough fish-puns? Alright, good. Then on to the review!
I honestly never thought this would crop up to review. It's such a popular item that I thought everywhere would be absolutely RIFE with great reviews as to how the Wahl works practical miracles...
But then Babeland surprised me. I'm not going to question why they put it up except to make some people very, very happy - and I got to be one of them! So I ordered this baby up and got my wait on for my brand new Wahl.
Once I got it, I was..well, honestly kind of surprised by the box - but that's just because I'm used to receiving things that don't have innocent original uses. It was just... a massager box. Like a body-massager box without any sexual connotations, really. I leave mine out because it's just that mundane; if anyone saw it I think they'd assume I have a bunch of back problems.
Inside the box was this awkward contraption. At first glance, you wouldn't expect that it would be usable for anything sexual, but I assure, you, the design is pretty genius. For one, the Wahl comes with many, many different tips. A veritable MESS of tips, you could say - some of them are good for clitoral use and others are just unwieldy. The box actually has a description of all of them, right on the side;
Now, not all of these are good for clitoral use. I found that MOST of them aren't, to be honest - they're either too big or they make the device really loud ( think air getting trapped in the 'general body' one - it sounds a lot like a water pump... ) - so I stick to one, and that's the 'spot application' tip. I've heard of people really, really enjoying the other tips ( like the muscle kneading, knuckles/joints or general body ), so don't discount them before you try them. They just didn't work for me.
Now, from this point on I'm going to be talking about the Wahl with the spot application tip attached, so keep that in mind!
This thing is powerful. I'm going to re-name the 'low' and 'high' settings as "clit-puncher" and "mind-fucker", respectively. Okay, maybe not, but those are still two very accurate names for the settings on this thing. Low is higher than any other high I've ever felt, and High just... wow. I actually have to work myself up to high and even then, it's hard to keep direct tip-to-clit contact going on or it just overloads me ( though sometimes I do it anyway. Forced orgasms, anyone? ). Needless to say, this is not for someone who enjoys light vibrations.
Low is this lighter rumble. It's not a 'buzz', though for this device I think you could call it that - it still gives deep vibrations, but not the 'rattle your bones' kind that low affords. I've found that this is a really nice way to work myself up and I have gotten off with it - like I said, it's powerful and more than enough to help me get my rocks off. Even through underwear, the low setting is good enough.
The high setting is definitely a grumbly thing that reminds me of construction equipment like a bulldozer or something similar. I've almost gotten off through jeans and undies with this, and that's no small thing considering how stubborn my body can get sometimes. However, when it comes to direct clit stimulation, I've found that this is a reeeally good way to climax, and quickly at that.
My only problem with both the speeds is that after extended use, if I find vibrations aren't doing it for me for that particular session, I can't just go back to rubbing. The vibrations will have effectively numbed the area for about 15 minutes, so if I'm going to use it, I have to be sure that that's what I want, or I'll be shit outta luck if it doesn't work out.
Now... I know the design looks weird. The whole thing looks clunky, right? Right. It sure does. But the Wahl's handle is actually one of the most awesome parts on it - it gives great leverage and makes it really easy to guide the tip around to tease various parts of you - the labia, the clit, nipples... and it lets you get really good pressure going without having to push down as hard as you would with straight massagers, like the Hitachi. I've also found that the handle helps diffuse the vibrations before they get to and subsequently numb your hand, which I really appreciate for sessions that end up taking me a longer period of time. The only con I can find for this design ( and it's an extremely small one, at that ) is that it can occasionally be difficult to use with a dildo, but only if you're not positioning right.
Massage-wise, this is great. No, really, this has saved me from bunches and bunches of migraines and tension-headaches and back-aches. I know it's mostly sold as a vibrator these days ( at least, I wouldn't be surprised if it was ), but it's also really really good at working out knots and helping ease pain out. I've used it right on the back of my skull where muscles get really tense, and a 10-minute massage session with this knocks the pain right out of me. Same with tense shoulders ( though sometimes it takes longer ) - and it even helps with sinus headaches. Just apply it to your sinus area, ignore the tickling sensations and it should really, really help.
I know some of you might be wondering what the tips are made out of, since they come in contact with a person's netherbits. I checked the tips and they say 'PVC' on them, so I'm gonna assume that's what they're made out of. Also, if you're wondering about the cord, it's 6 feet long and quite sturdy. The Wahl runs on 110v power.
There are warnings that you shouldn't use this under blankets or more than 20 minutes at a time because it heats up and I can confirm that yes, it does, quite a lot. This can get almost uncomfortably warm if you keep it under the covers but thankfully, it's so quiet, you don't need to. I can only say that 'whisper quiet' is applicable to this thing, even when you've got it grinding against your clit.
Cleanup on this is a total bitch. There's lots of nooks and crannies in the tips, as well as the place where it attaches ( like the open seam of the plastic casing on the main body ), not to mention that the tips are porous. I wouldn't go sharing this with anybody because of that, unless you're fluid-bonded. A damp rag ( and possibly a toothbrush ) will take care of any cleanup issues you have with this. You can fully submerge the tips when they're not attached, but do try to keep water away from the main body.
In total, I'm giving the Wahl 5 out of 5 stars. The 1-out-of-5 noise rating combined with the 5-out-of-5 power rating ( not to mention you can buy attachments for it if you do a little googling ) makes it an easy ringer for 'wand' type massagers, even if it's a weird shape.
Thanks so much, Babeland!
FTC Statement: Wahl 7-in-1 was provided to AbsoluteDebauchery for free by Babeland in exchange for a review. This has not affected the opinions within the review and complies with FTC standards.
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